Well Linds is gone for the weekend and I have the room to myself. She has been acting really distant lately. i don't know what to make of it. She pulls away at the same time as I really need someone to be there for me. God has provided others to be there for me. Anelecia has been an awesome support to me this week, and Graces listening has done me so much good.
Despite all that I still have often felt my heart weighing a little heavy. I don't know if it's the winter time blahs, my health, or stress maybe. All the same I just about break every time I have to eat a meal alone. I just have such a feeling of loneliness these last weeks. It's not easy, but I know I need to be thankul when God takes me through these times, they keep me compassionate. After all I have been praying for God to soften my heart, maybe this a way to do that.

i am quite tired. I think God wants me to be a doc. i cant even grasp what that entails. I put myself in your hands Lord and ask that you have your way in me. Let it be with me as you have said. FOr blessed is she who believes that what the Lord has said to her shall be accomplished. Amen

Lord I just thank you for the people in my life. For the true friends I've made up here. For my family. They are such a blessing. Lord I just lift C and A up to you. They are really having hard time. Show me how I can be a blessing to them, how I can be there for them. Lord I just thank you for the bit of blue sky I saw this morning. I never realized till I moved to Seattle what a blessing sunshine is! Father forgive me for all the things I take for granted. Help me to give thanks the way I should. Bwana Asifiwe!

I am sitting here with a heavy heart. Today was kind of humbling. I can't belive I failed a test on fractions. It's so humiliating. Lord help me to remember that grades are not who I am. You have created me with talents and math just doesnt happen to be one of them. Your word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It sure doesn't feel that way. Lord I just feel like crying and crying all over the place. I am glad that you are here with me always and that you know exactly what I am feeling. Help me to find peace in your word. I thank you for my mom and her constant love and support. I still feel so alone sometimes. Lord please! Quiet me with your love. Still my anxiety. Break down the barriers I build to keep people out and to keep you out. Please Jesus I need you.

I am so thankful to have such a great roommate as lindsay. I don't have anyone else in the world to talk to about some things.
Oh Abba give me the wisdom to do whats right. I want your will to be done not mine.Mine has a tendency to screw everything up. help me. I want to be a woman of character, and courage. A wild woman of God. Draw me after you Abba, I feel so apart from you.

Well today the whole world of Seattle is covered in white. The snow is falling furiously and as a result classes are cancelled. I think that ever since I got back up here I have accomplished a whole lot of nothing. I don't even have the books I need yet. But it doesnt matter a whole lot. I had a fairly decent quiet time yesterday. I feel so disconnected from God right now. I don't know what exactly to do about it. Well If I just continue seeking him I know that I will find him eventually, or actually he will find me. Hmm well this is my very first attempt at blog and at journaling so hopefully it will get smoother with time. I want to have somewhere where I have spilled my guts, layed it all out. My own personal soliloquy. I dont know if thats spelled right or not. but who cares since noones reading it.