Beautiful Scandalous Night

Mmmm. I am listening to hymns while Olivia sleeps in her crib. Right now all I can think of is how extremely big God is and how very small, yet not insignificant to Him, I am. He answers my cry and delivers me, delivers me from myself mostly. But also from the attacks of the enemy who ( I am convinced) is working double-time lately to try to confuse my mind. I go through these intense times of doubt and fear, and then when I have very nearly given up all hope, He rescues me and sets me straight. How ridiculous I am to be so unsteadfast in my faith. How great the Fathers Love for Us. This I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

Last week I am afraid a great deal of the emotion built up from all my fearing and near hopelesness was dumped on Anelecia. Perhaps it was necessary though to get it out. Lots of tears, but also good times with friends and family have happened over the last week. I went home to spend time with my mom for her birthday, and I ended up having really good and unexpected conversations with my sister in the car. She knows of Gods power, although she doesn't give Him the credit for it, she knows it's there. A mighty life-changing power for good. I can get so frustrated with her, but when I get these little glimpses of her, of her life, her heart, I can't help but love her more.

I have some amazing news that just happened last night. Lindsay called me and said that she was at her good friend Jenny's house in colorado and was telling Jenny's Dad (Mr. Stafford) who happens to work for Compassion, about Rahel (the girl I sponsor through compassion) and her story. Well it turns out that Jenny's dad doesn't only work for compassion, he is the President and CEO of Compassion International, the head hauncho!! He gave Lindsay his private email address to give to me, so that I could e-mail him everything I know about Rahel, and he will personally make sure that she and her family have everything they need, and they will get tested for aids. I AM SO completely in awe of God, truly God can do anything! Praise HIM!

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom. I will only boast in Jesus Christ. Oh Lord, thanks so much for hymns and sleeping toddlers and good talks. For doing great big things I could never do. Please forgive me my ignorance, and my foolishness also. Lord I am so desperate for you! Thank you for making me hungry, so that I can be filled. Keep me from the sins of pride, let me not boast in anything but you. Keep me from doing anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Thank you for your Holy Spirit to convict me, teach me, and restore me. You are so good. Lord please give me wisdom, to know how to love you better, and to love everyone better.