Oh Lord, I am so doubtful, forgive me. You are not going to abandon me, why am I lately so afraid of that? I know that you are all I need and that you are with me always, even unto the end of the age. I know that I am in the palm of your hand and that you will not lead me astray. You are God Almighty who made everything, and who saved me once eternally and who loves me. I do not need to know what you have in store for tomorrow, I will trust in you to hold my hand and show me the way. Teach me how to have the faith and innocence of a child. Help me to live rightesouly as a sacrifice to you. I want to start the year of right, but I feel that I may have already gotten off on a bad foot. Help me to change it, to start over. Thank you so much for the blessings of friends and fellowship, teach me to be a better friend. A friend loves at all times. Teach me to love my friends at all times, not just when I am in the mood. Forgive me for my wretched selfishness. Draw me after you oh Lord, let me hear your voice, let me see your face. For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.
Thank you for being my Abba.

Thunder Theology

I came to the knowledge a few months ago that I did not fear God the way I should. Oddly enough it first hit me when I was not reading from the bible. I was re-reading mark of the lion, at this great dramatic scene in which one slave girl throws herself on top of her master to save her from a deathly beating. The master is foolish and awful and does not know God in any way. I had this sudden realization that i was more like julia than hadasseh. i was more wretch than saint. Sure I was saved, but I did not fear God much. Ever since than I have been trying to figure out what the fear of the Lord is, and how to get it. I have been asking God to show how to find it. And, low and behold, last week he tells me to study proverbs.

And thats what I have been doing, studying proverbs and the fear of the Lord. A supplement to my studying is to listen to online sermons. I found a sermon on fear of the Lord based in proverbs and I listened to it today. It was awesome! Why fear god... because he is scary! He will judge people and the enemies of God will be punished eternally. So I'm listening to the sermon, taking notes and what not. Basically gaining a whole new understanding of what it means to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. When during a particularlyGod-fear-inspiring scripture is being read, namely Rev 14:9-11 (which, by the way changed my whole understanding of hell, I had thought hell would be the absence of God... it's not.)
when all of a sudden a great big clamorous roar of thunder hits. Literally.
God is to be feared. The love of God means SO much more in this light. Hmmm.. yes definately what pastor mark calls scooby doo verses.