#@$!

I hate academic april. They arbitrarily chose this specific date in which i am suddenly upon that date supposed to know what I want to do with a great portion of my life. How the hell am i supposed to know what to do?Were supposed to pick a career that we are passionate about. I don't have any passions anymore. i don't have time to have passions. i don;t even have time to takea walk once in a while or play my guitar or piano more than once a month. How do i have time to figure out what to do with my life in the next two weeks? i don't want to become a Dr. God, I don't want to become a Dr!! Do you here me? I dont want to do it ... i dont want to go to school for 7 more years, i dont want to have to have no life for the next 3 years in order to have good enough grades to get into med school. Hell i dont even have good enough grades to get into nursing school... at least not now and not at spu.
Why is everything so hard? Why cant I trust you? Why can't I be more content? Why why why. I despise the fact that i sound whiny right now, but honestly if I don't get it out I'm going to explode or shut down. Neither are pretty options. I wish people would quit asking me how I'm doing all the time. i dont have the energy to tell most people the truth. I barely have the energy to tell myself the truth.
It's all vanity. I cant live this way anymore, somethings gotta change.