sigh.

I am plodding along... getting through what I have to get through, but at the end of the day I can't help but feel like I'm not living the life I want. I want excitement,adventure, miracles, and the unexplainable. I want to live daringly, I don't want to fear anything but God in this life. Right now I most fear dissapointment. Not dissapointing others, dissapointing myself. I feel like I'm not doing enough with my life. But even King David was once a sheperd, Jesus was a carpenter for 30 years before he started his ministry, but then there are others. Jeremiah was probably only a teenager. Not that I want to be a child prophet who gets thrown into prison all the time and never marries. Anyways i think my point is I'm bored with life. I bored with school. I really wanted to go to europe and do something different... live a little. i still may be able to, but probably not. I'm kinda depressed but not really. I don't know how to explain it. There are plenty of things that I take joy in, but i don't feel fullfilled at the end of the day, you know?
Yesterday during quiet time i was reading from daniel about when he sees the angel of the Lord and all that. I was really awed. I think I am goint to start praying for visions, prophecy, and miracles again. I used to... and God often answered. I'm not doing it to liven up my life by any means. maybe thats part of my gifting that I'm not using or something.I dunno. Well God is good and very often Amy is not. The fact that people describe me as level headed and composed bothers me. It makes me think maybe people dont really know me. If people knew what went on in my head they wouldn't think that. I'm rambling now. I think I'll go take a shower and quit rambling.