Numb-Jesus is merciful.

I feel...numb. I think I am currently beyond feeling stress anymore. This morning i took a nasty A&P lab test that I studied for for like 10 hours, and I got a D. I work my butt off for a D? It's such crap. I refuse to be defeated. I am still going to make one last ditch effort to save my rear and study ALL weekend for the final on tuesday. It was still pretty disheartening though. Especially when I think that God may be calling me to become a Dr.
I am the least person who should be becoming a Dr. All growing up I excelled at english and art. Never science or math. I don't understand. Lindsay says God doesn't call us to live easy lives. But does that mean that my WHOLE life is going to be against the grain of who I am? (Or think I am anyway) i don't know. I am honestly not having any particular feeling too strongly about anything right now, or else I might be really upset.
Lindsay had some kind of breakdown two days ago. She suddenly quits talking and turns so far into herself you may as well be talking to a wall. Literally. I talked to her and asked her questions for about 45 min and she had no respose whatsoever. It really freaks me out when she does that. Eventually she went to bed and Nicole went in and talked to her. for whatever reason Nicole can reach her in ways I can't and she opened up. After Nicole talked to her she started talking to me again. She said it has nothing to do with me and I shouldnt take her personally. Anyways... we did have a good talk at about 1 in the morning and weare okay, but I don't think she is okay. How can a person be okay when they have breakdowns like that?
I told her how I felt about it. Which was that I love her so much and I don't understand why she does it, she makes me hurt for her...more than most things can right now.
She said she doesnt know why I keep loving her.
She breaks my heart.

At any rate I believe that Jesus gave me this coping mechanism as an act of mercy. It's not permanent, I'll regain my emotions when I have the time too.
And now I am going to go to bed so that i am well rested for tomorrows studying.